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Churchgoers Demand More Greek, Hebrew Nitpicking
The results of a nationwide survey of churches of Christ released today reveal that a majority of churchgoers are unsatisfied with the amount of Greek and Hebrew nitpicking in their worship services. Dr. Tom Winter of Abilene, Texas, who led the survey team, says a startling 73 percent of respondents feel that they do not receive enough ad-hoc etymology in sermons and devotionals.
"Preachers sometimes feel like their flocks don't want to hear endless discourse on the nuances of different translations, when in fact the opposite is often true," said Winter. "People have a keen interest in what verb forms and which pronouns God has chosen to reveal Himself through, and ministers need to take that into account. Let's face it: when the 'spiritual milk' of the doctrine of salvation through faith, the nature of God, and living the Christian life is all that people hear, they're going to start craving something more substantial and obscure."
The survey, conducted over the last seventeen months by a hand-assembled team of researchers at ACU, investigated a variety of contemporary church issues with a brief, 728-item questionnaire.
Researchers say they were surprised to find that a lack of tiresome linguistic tangents was the number one concern of today's pew-dwelling public. Dr. Wendell Willis commented, "Sure, everyone knows the differences between the four Greek words for love, and why mammon (mammon) should more accurately be translated "stuff" instead of "money," but somehow we've neglected the rest—keeping our heads down and skimming right past the controversy over splagchna (splagcna), as if it would explain itself away! And congregations are beginning to notice."
The solution, the researchers say, is a renewal of focus. Recommendations include a series of expensive books and instructional DVDs for pulpit ministers, elders and deacons, to help them get over their fears of delving into the difference between the Greek cases, and why psallo (yallw) can only be interpreted as "to sing without instruments."
ACU Press reports that pre-orders for the work have already exceeded estimates by a comfortable margin. Dr. Doug Foster, another researcher from the survey team, sees this interest as a sign that rosier times are ahead. "Perhaps we've turned the corner. The people have sent us a very strong message, and that message is: we know that the Hebrew ruach is not adequately rendered by the Greek pneuma (pneuma), but our hearts still hunger to know why."
Added Foster, "Properly equipping our shepherds and preachers is vital. It is simply not enough to know that Paul uses the word soma (swma) to refer to the church twenty times and the word naos (naos) only six. Let's not forget all of the other words he could have chosen. There's a whole wealth of revealed knowledge in what the Bible might very well have said, but didn't."
Guest writer Nathan Willis
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Top Ten Things To Do When Comps Are Going Irretrievably Badly
10. Start washing feet.
9. Begin speaking in tongues.
8. Take an immediate vow of silence.
7. Anoint the professors' heads with oil.
6. Start stabbing any one of the three voodoo dolls you have soooo carefully handcrafted.
5. Consult your WWJD bracelet.
4. Begin a spontaneous 40 minute prayer.
3. Consult your rosary beads.
2. Yell, "I know Paul, but who are you?" and proceed to viciously beat everyone in the vicinity until they are naked.
1. Start answering questions through a Jesus hand puppet.
Coming to a Bible Bookstore Near You
• The Ezekiel Camping Stove—includes metal cooking frame and high fiber human excrement starter meal—camping fun for the whole family!
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• The Official Lot's Daughter's Do's and Don'ts of Dating—with special foreword by King David. This manual should be on every Christian teen's must-read list.
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• The long-awaited follow-up to his blockbuster publication Preaching Like Paul, James Thompson's newest homiletics manual—Preaching Like Moses: Getting One of Your "Associate Ministers" to Do the Work for You.
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